How much easier would it be to do the housework without having to watch the kids at the same time? To make dinner without little ones at your feet or fold the washing? But if us mums do get a chance to do these tasks kid free let me be clear- it is not a break! I am still working; I am indirectly still looking after them.
Many of us mums have seen this post it’s been circulating quite recently and quite honestly, I could not have summed it up better. There seems to be this universal idea that when you became a mum you decided that for the rest of your days you would have no break!
How is it in 2020 we could even presume that doing household tasks kid free was time off for mums? The mental load of the household has not stopped during these times, she has not wound down or taken a minute for herself. She has not had a moment to think of herself. It has been all consumed in the household and her kid’s needs. Also, what is with the 1950 mentality? Housework is just that- work, it is not a relaxing task we just can’t wait to do.
A break is going out to dinner with a friend, getting my hair done or binging Netflix alone!
I haven’t showered alone since my second was born- we’re going on 6 weeks now! When I do take a break, I’m conscious of the time I take and always race back because I feel guilty for going out. My husband seems to be able to go out carefree to play golf or go out for drinks and never feels guilty for the time he takes.
So why don’t us mums take more breaks. For me I find taking a break really hard. The prep work taken to even think about having a break is huge. To leave the house I need to have expressed milk and found clothing that is clean and fits. By the time I’ve accomplished this I am so exhausted that I need a nap instead. The other thing that plays on my mind is the knowledge that whilst I’m gone half of the work, I would have done won’t be completed. When my husband watches the boys, he does just that, he plays with them and supervises them. He doesn’t try to cook dinner, clean the house and put a load of washing on. He doesn’t think to do it and to write him a list of things I would normally have done during that time would create even more work for me.
It seems somewhere along the line I’ve contributed to this problem. I’ve set ridiculous standards for myself that no one is holding me to- especially not my husband. I’ve used my breaks to go to the grocery store on purpose because I’m stressed about getting things done and I feel better for having completed a household chore. I’ve not taken the time to relax and unwind even when I’ve been given the time. Instead when my husband’s watching the kids, I’ve pounced on the opportunity to get something done around the house that I can’t do when I’m watching them.
But I’m tired and grumpy and I need some me time. This Mumma is not her best self when I allow myself to become this burnt out. I need to prioritise break time and plan activities for this break time that does not involve the household in any shape or form and I’m starting today.
Do your self a favour and take a break mumma. You deserve it! Mumma Z xxx